The Knowing Girl
by AwesomatoligicalHaliBug
Summary: Prequel to Unknowing. What if Sebastian's first two children lived? What if Ciel's parents hadn't died? How different would their lives be? And what would their fate be? Find out here.
1. Chapter 1

**If this totally sucks, just let me know and I'll take it down :)**

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Ciel's Point Of View.

I was born into a family. It was a family that I'm sure didn't want me. I'm sure every adolescent girl would believe their family didn't want them. Actually, any adolescent in general. Though, my story is a little different. And, I'm sure you've heard it before.

I was born as Cielle Phantomhive. Though, my parents were told due to birthing complications, they could never have another child again. Because of this, I went on in my life as Ciel Phantomhive, the young boy that would be the heir to the Phantomhive's. My parents were murdered when I was ten years old, thus I took on the company at that age.

As you have read in 'Unknowing', I was married with a female cousin of mine. I was then impregnated by my demon butler, giving birth to a baby girl named Cecilia, after the deceased female my lover had impregnated before me. It wasn't long after that in which my wife was killed in a carriage crash. Sebastian had later informed me that he had actually crashed the carriage on purpose. This had me threatening to divorce him if we were not under strict orders from the queen.

After she had been killed, I revealed my gender to the persons that were near when she had died. Of course, I was called a cross-dresser, and such. Though, I paid them no heed. I was taken into custody by Scotland Yard. I was under arrest under several offenses, my fate left to the queen. She had said shortly after, that watching my daughter and I had convinced her that I was capable of living. Though, I was to marry the father of my child within a certain time limit.

At the end of my little story, Cecilia had grown and had two children of her own. Identical twins. Just like her half siblings that had died with their mother. Though, what if that had never happened? What if my parents were not deceased? Would my life have been any different? Well, this is the story. This is what would have happened if my parents had never been killed, and I had never met Sebastian.

"Ciel, please come in here. I have a birthday present for you," my mother, Rachel Phantomhive called for me. Her maiden name was Durless, and she had a sister named Angelina Durless. If my parents had died, so would have Angelina, who was Auntie Anne. She would have been killed by a Grim Reapers hand, and at the expense of my life.

My mother was astoundingly beautiful. She had long strawberry blonde hair. It was braided in a bun near the back, though a curly strand went down her left shoulder. She always wore dresses that complimented her midnight blue eyes. I had inherited those eyes, and I could tell that my mother had loved that. Though, she was a bit pained that I had my father's raven-sort of blueish-hair.

I wasn't told until the death of my parents that my mother was physically and emotionally abused by my father. He had always been such a kind man to me, and I admired him. I had always wanted to please him by acting as the boy he thought I was. Though, if he had stayed alive, over the years I would have learned to fear him. His name was Vincent Phantomhive.

Vincent Phantomhive was a man to be admired. His father was a noble, though I had never been told much about him. My father started a small crafts studio when I was just a child. I remember my father would make little boy toys and give them to me whenever he had the chance. I was always so happy, though at the same time, sad. Well, enough about me. Let me finish describing my father.

He had green eyes. I wasn't particularly fond of. They just didn't seem pretty to me, only dull. My father always said, 'You shouldn't care if things are pretty. You are going to be a man, and men don't care for anything _pretty_,'. He always sounded like he was growling it. His silver, bluish, hair was something I loved. It looked like mine, and it made me ecstatic.

My father actually sat down with me when I turned nine. He started a talk that any father and son would have when the son hit puberty. Though, I was only nine, and I was female. "Son, when you get older, your body starts to develop.." he had started. Later on, I learned from my Aunt Frances that he had been drunk. She explained what drunk meant to me, and sent me back to be with my mother. I could tell that Frances took care of my father a lot for him to always know what he was doing. I was pretty sure that she knew about the brutal beatings my mother had to go through, as well.

"What is it, Mother?" I asked. I ran towards her with a bright smile. I always loved my mother's presents. She gave me things I would actually enjoy. For my fourth birthday, even though I couldn't play with it, she got me a beautiful tea set. When my father had asked about it, mother said that it was just a little something she decided to collect. She said that she always admired tea sets, and even considered dabbling into making pottery herself. He bought it, though I was never to go near it. Either that or I would get a painful spanking from father.

Mother always protected me from his wrath. She put me to bed every single night, and always made sure that I had everything beforehand. She walked with me to get a glass of water, guarded the bathroom door for me to use the restroom, and then made sure I was in bed, and locked the door with a special key before going to her own room. She never wanted my father to beat me. Of course, he never did. Except for one day, though that is not for right now.

"I've gotten you something you'll have to wear when we announce your gender," my Mother said. She handed me a small satin box, and I opened it hesitantly. I knew I wouldn't be able to touch it for a long time, so I wanted to savor this moment. I was turning twelve. That's two years after my parents would have died, and I was innocent.

A pearl necklace resided in the satin box. It was beautiful, and I wanted every so badly to wrap it around my neck. Of course, I knew that if I even asked mother to place it on for me, father would come charging in. It felt like he had a radar or something. "It's beautiful, mother," I said. I had small tears forming in my midnight blue eyes. I tried to suck them up, since father was always about no emotion, though it was very difficult.

"Please, darling, do not cry. I do not wish for you to cry," my Mother sighed softly. I thought she might have been upset, disappointed, maybe even a bit afraid. I knew she was afraid of my Father. I was a bit afraid of him too. I knew he could walk in at any moment. So, I hurriedly wiped my eyes.

"I am not crying, Mother. See? I'm fine," I said. It wasn't a moment too soon since my Father walked in at the particular moment. I stiffened, and I knew he could tell. He was looking at my back. I felt like holes were being burnt through me as he continued to stare. My bright smile that lit up my face before had disappeared by now. I turned towards him and my Mother smiled softly at him. "Hello, Father," I greeted.

"Ciel, Rachel," Father greeted back. Our hair that was so similar were styled the same way. Though, his eyes were different. Not only a different color, though I could feel as if he was staring into my soul. So cold and mean. I wanted to run and hide. Though, I stayed where I was, not wanting to face his wrath.

"Darling, is something the matter?" Mother asked. I was afraid of what he would say. Did Mother hide the necklace? I couldn't see it anymore as I was now facing Father. Was he going to hit me? Or Mother? Would I get in trouble? Was I acting too feminine? All of these thoughts ran through my head. What was I to say? What _should _I say?

"Frances` son, Edward, is going to come over for a visit. He said he wanted to teach Ciel the proper etiquette of firing a shotgun. I had no objections to this," my Father announced. Great, Edward was coming for a visit.

At sixteen, Edward was a much better son than I was. Of course, I wasn't meant to be a son, but that was beside the point. He could hunt well, ride a horse better than I, and he loved to suck up to my parents. Even his own. He would come over to see me, I knew it was to see me since he spent all the time he could with me.

He made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to be that uncomfortable around anyone. It also made me feel awkward around him knowing that he knew of my true gender. As long as he did, I would never feel comfortable when near him. I was just not compatible with men that knew of my secret. I never knew why, though Edward was practically a man.

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Sebastian's Point Of View.

I was young. At eighteen years of age, all I knew was that I should despise humans. I should hunt for humans, create contracts, or just plain devour their souls. I was trying to be different than my family, though what happened to me was something I could not deny.

I fell in love with a human. Not only a human, a human Irish girl who was at the age of eighteen as well. She was adorable, red curls that framed her face. Her eyes, soft green. We had decided to run away when she fell pregnant. With twins.

Two children were born on a tragic terrifying day. I walked into the bathroom with urgency. "Cecilia?" I screamed. I needed to save her life. Her bloodcurdling scream was enough for me to know she was in danger. Not only did I have to save Cecilia, I had to save the two infants inside of her. Lucy and Leonard. They were my number one priority right now.

When I found her, she was vaginally bleeding. This was something that had to be done fast. I could already tell something was wrong with the babies. She was going into premature labor and this was bad. I laid towels down quickly. It wasn't a moment later that I got her out of the tub and had her laying on those towels.

Since I was expected to deliver these babies anyway, I had brushed up on a few medical text books. I was ready to deliver them, though I needed to register my brain to the idea. I didn't have time to do that right now, though. So, I prepared myself for a few seconds before having to get into gear.

"Alright, Cecilia, I need you to push when I tell you so. Alright?" I asked. She nodded. Her face was pale and sweaty. This was something that had to be a fast act. I needed to get some Logic into my head. I was amazed that she was actually dilating. That was why she was going to push instead. I watched her have a contraction and shouted my orders. "Push!"

She pushed on cue and continued for thirty-six hours. A very long time, though in the end, I was able to save everyone in this situation. The babies were wrapped in towels and I clamped the umbilical cord on Cecilia's side. Everything was alright for the time being, and I was glad. Everything would be safe for a bit.

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**I really hoped you guys enjoyed that. If it ruins "Unknowing" for you, then I'll take it down. Just let me know in a PM or on a review and I'll take it down. Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**If you like this, vote on my poll! It's updated on there!**

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Edward arrived a bit after my family had prepared for his arrival. He came with equipment that he claimed to be for showing me the proper etiquette of firing a shot gun. He also claimed he was going to teach me how to hunt. Of course Father had no objections to this, he wasn't in his right mind with his thoughts of me being a male.

The reason I was uncomfortable near Edward wasn't just that he was male and he knew my gender. It was that he was attractive, and that awakened a sexual desire inside of me that I wasn't ready for. Whenever he was near, I would feel tingly and a sensation that I hated. I was sure that if my parents did not deny my sexuality, I would be engaged to Edward instead of Elizabeth.

Edward was very attractive. He had silky blonde hair that I wished to play with, roll in my fingers and gentle hands. Blue eyes that were no where near the color of mine. They were a very light blue, he inherited the color from his Father. The blonde in his hair was slightly darker than Elizabeth's, that he inherited from his strong working Mother.

He was wearing a usual suit and promised my parents he would take wonderful care of me. Apparently, since Edward was here, my parents had trusted my care into him while they left for Paris on business matters. Apparently the queen wanted my Father and Mother to be present for the openings of the newest Eiffel tower.

I hadn't even known this until my parents were out the door with suitcases. I was confused, they never left me alone. They were afraid that if they did, I would get fed up of being male and decide to reveal my gender to the entire world. Though, why would they ever leave me in the care of Edward? I would never know for sure.

"Edward, are we going to be hunting today?" I asked Edward. I was sure that we would be, after all there was still plenty of daylight. I didn't know until later, but I only asked that because I was afraid of the tension between us. Edward was very hostile, especially towards me. He never liked the idea of his cute little sister getting married to a female. It was just wrong, even if we were trying to cover up a terrible secret.

"No, we are not," He said instantly. This got me a bit worried. "Then what are we going to do for the rest of the day? I'm sure that there is plenty of time to go hunting. It will be light for a few hours more-" I was cut off by Edward. "We're not going to go hunting. We're going to play a little game." there was a smirk in his voice, though I didn't dare look at his face.

"A game?" I asked. I had still not turned my face to him. "Don't play stupid, Phantomhive. We're going to play a game and we'll both have fun. I assure you, though you might not have fun until we practice a bit," Edward said. I was confused, but mostly frightened. "What kind of game?" I asked. "You're playing stupid again, Phantomhive. Let me show you how it's done."

Edward lead me to my bedroom. It wasn't a second later that I realized it all. After all, I had read plenty of _Romeo and Juliet_ to understand what was going on. Not just _Romeo and Juliet_, though plenty more explicit romance novels that my Mother kept private to herself. Well, she had not kept it very private, since I found the stash, though I understood plenty about what he was referring to.

Sex. Sex was what he was referring to. Sexual acts I was not ready to try. I couldn't even look at myself naked in the mirror without feeling awkward. Watching my naked body before bed was a terrible cycle I was not willing to end. "Pretend you're getting ready for the bath or something, Phantomhive. You know how to undress yourself, don't you?" Edward said hostiliy towards me.

I didn't think that he wanted me to make much noise. After all, I was sure he didn't want to get caught. He probably was trying to keep this a secret from anyone, so I just quietly got undressed. Edward had threatened me before, and I did not want to be apart of the angry words that slipped through his mouth.

I was wearing a blue suit that looked a bit similar to Edward's. It wasn't a suit I wore normally, it was just something I decided to dress in. I had learned to dress myself, something I had to do. My Father dressing me wouldn't be proper, as he was my Father. My Mother couldn't bear to dress me as she couldn't stand seeing a female dress as a male. I learned myself, making sure that I did not look female.

I quietly unbuttoned the top of my suit, letting it fall to the ground after I shrugged it off my arms from the sleeves. I had a black undershirt. Since my breasts weren't very large at all, I would only need to put on a thick undershirt. That would be enough to hide the small breasts I had developed, along with the curves that had begun developing. I was turning into the female my Father was trying desperately to hide.

The shorts came off next. They revealed my male briefs that I wore. They matched Edward's perfectly, which did give me a slight blush on the cheeks. He was already halfway undressed, and I didn't realize how perfect his body was under his clothes until now. It gave me the tingling sensation I was trying to desperately to get rid of.

"Take off that shirt and those underwear!" Edward hurriedly ordered. I did as told, not wanting to get caught. It didn't take long for him to be undressed as well, and he was very much hard. I laid on the bed as I had read about. Edward was on top of me. Fully erect cock, he did have. It was inserted inside of me, and got me thinking of how much I wanted to be female. My eyes widened, as it did hurt. I didn't want this, I told myself. I didn't, I didn't.

As he thrust, I began trying to push him off of me. "Get off, Edward!" I whispered loudly. I didn't want to be caught, though I wanted to prove my motives quickly. "Get off, get off, get off!"

He didn't care about the blows I pulled on him, which weren't very hard. It wasn't long until he finished inside of me. I did orgasm as well, though I couldn't find anymore pleasure in it, and I couldn't ever imagine doing that again. He got off of me, walking to the shower to clean himself off.

I laid in bed, waiting. I didn't move from the position he left me in, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to not be a virgin anymore, though there wasn't much I could do about it now. Finally, I sat up in bed. There was blood on the bed, something I hadn't noticed before. It did frighten me, though when Edward came out of the shower, all he said was, "that's normal, don't worry," before leaving me.

Sometimes, I thought I might have feelings for the man that just raped me. Though...when I thought about this experience, was it really rape? I wanted it, but I didn't want it. I was so willing, not wanting to be shouted at or caught, though when things got start, I had to push him away.

How would my parents react? Should I tell them? I would never know if I didn't try. My Mother would probably cry, knowing her precious baby was hurt and not being there to help her. My Father...he would probably reject it, as if it had never happened. Just like my birth of being a female. He rejected the joyous moment that the doctor announced I was female. That doctor was sworn to secrecy.

I dressed myself after I took a shower. I had to wash all of Edward's sweat off of me, and my own blood. I didn't know how to feel anymore. Everything was...different now. I wasn't a virgin anymore, I wasn't pure. I wasn't being the male my Father wanted me to be. I was being the female that I had to deny the existence of. What if my female life couldn't be hidden anymore? How would the Phantomhive blood continue through if I wasn't able to impregnate Elizabeth?

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"Darling, could you please change Lucy? I'm feeding Leonard." Cecilia told me as she breast fed our son. I hadn't noticed until now, but Lucy was being a bit fussy. I was quick on my feet to lift my small daughter and change her. She was a bit wet, but not messy. I would need Cecilia to show me how to clean up a messy diaper as fast as possible, something they don't teach you in Demon Elementary.

My two children were beautiful. After the two weeks we had them, I still couldn't believe that they were here. Even though Cecilia didn't have much money, and the children didn't have a bedroom for themselves yet, we both still showered them with all the love we could give. As a demon, I don't make money. So, I went out and got a job.

Nothing big, just a simple construction worker. I was considering something else, maybe a servant of some sort. That would mean I could give my children the best of everything a servant could give. They wouldn't have much, but they'd have bedrooms for themselves, and that would be better than where we were living now.

Currently, I was looking for a place to hire me as a servant. Of course, Cecilia and the children would have to be servants as well. I was trying to encourage her to go back to her family, they would want to see her after all the time they had been apart. though, Cecilia kept repeating to herself that she ran away with me for a reason.

She continued to refuse and refuse, I wanted her to have the best of everything. After Cecilia was finished with feeding Leonard, she laid him down for me to change, and took Lucy to feed. After this, the two-week old infants slept comfortable in their cribs. I sat down with Cecilia. I was going to try to convince her of a new deal.

"Cecilia, I know you won't go back to your parents. But, why don't you? Just bring the kids there until I can get a job as a servant." I tried to negotiate. "Sebastian, you know I don't like being separated from you." Cecilia said with a soft sigh. The sigh sounded like she was repeating the same thing to a child after a hundred times of saying it. While, the saying it a hundred time was true. Well, more like one-hundred-three.

"I know, darling, but you and the children need to stay with someone. We can't afford this nook for much longer. You might as well go back to them. After I get a new job, we can be reunited." I tried. I thought I was going to fail until Cecilia replied, "Alright," with another sigh. "Really?" I was surprised. Though, as happy as a child in a candy store. "Yes, yes." Cecilia giggled as I pulled her into a kiss.

"We're on our way." I said with a smile.

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**I realized that in my last chapter of this, I made Sebastian's part considerably shorter than Ciel's. Sorry! I'm trying to give Sebastian something, but trying to keep them both on the same pace as it is. **


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two weeks since it happened. Edward had left after my parents arrived back. I wanted to tell them. I wanted to tell someone, anyone really. Anyone who was willing to listen that I was female.

I could have told my Mother. I know that, now. I really could have, she would've listened, and maybe even tried to help me. Of course, there was nothing that could be done about it.

The authorities couldn't be told. Why would they be? According to everyone, Edward never raped a _girl_. He was innocent, and a scholar in his prestigious school, as well.

After a while of dressing myself, bathing myself, and doing everything on my own, my Mother and Father decided I was at the age to get a butler of my own. So, they were looking to hire one, and swear to secrecy. Of course, I was sure that the butler wouldn't know what he was getting into until my clothing was removed.

"Mother, have you found the certain butler you were looking for, yet?" I asked my Mother one day. I didn't know if I wanted a butler yet. I could take care of myself, so I really didn't need the help. Though, I would love to have someone who would really treat me who I was.

My Mother did sometimes, though she was always scolded by my Father that whenever he was around-which was most of the time-she wouldn't dare address me as anything except for a male, her son, and that wounded me.

"We were going to speak with a nice young man. He's nineteen and seems to be a responsible young man. Of course, he does come with a family, though your Father and I don't mind. He only has two infant children and a girlfriend. His girlfriend is free to become a housemaid if she wishes as well." my Mother explained to me.

"It would be nice to have another female in the house.." I trailed off. I felt like I had made a mistake, considering my Father was near.

"Yes, your Mother could use another female. I bet she's very lonely." my Father did chuckle at his statement. He watched my Mother who smiled softly.

"Darling, you know that you're all the company I need. You and Ciel." she said. I walked excused myself, walking to my room to read a book or two.

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"Sweetheart, I'm going to speak with a few people. They're looking for a butler to care for their son, so I'm going to see if they'll hire me." I told Cecilia. The love of my life.

"Alright, Darling." Cecilia said, feeding both the children. She had Lucy on the right breast, and Leonard on the left.

"They said if you wanted, you could become a housemaid." I told her.

"I'll think about it." Cecilia said before beginning to hum. I chuckled before leaving to the Phantomhive residence. It was a wonderful estate, looking so full of life, and very well distinguished.

It made me feel like a low life just to be near the manor, though they were the low lives to me. I was the one who had the upper hand here, no other way.

"Sebastian Michaelis, it's a pleasure to meet you," a man greeted me. He looked kind enough, though seemed as though he could be a hot-head at times. "I understand that you're interested in becoming my son's butler."

"Yes, sir. Thank you for choosing to interview me. I understand it's quite an honor." I thanked.

"It's no trouble. Though, I do only look for the best in my son. After all, he's my only child and the only one I will ever be able to have." The Phantomhive told me.

"Is there some problem that your wife has?" I asked. I know I may have been becoming too personal, though I felt like I needed to know. Somehow, I felt like it was important to me.

"After my son's birth, my wife and I were told she could never have another child. The birth was too hard on her body, such a small delicate thing." he told me. I nodded in slight understanding. I was suddenly thankful I had my two children.

"I understand that you have a family. You know that your lover will be offered a job as well, it is up to her if she is to accept or refuse. Her choice does not depend on her living here with you. Your two children will be given a separate room from you and your lover, for privacy reasons." he chuckled.

"Yes, sir." I said, not wanting to pass this chance up.

"Then congratulations, Sebastian. My name is Vincent Phantomhive, though you are to address me as Master. Since you'll be caring for my son, you should probably meet him. Rachel, please." my Master told his wife.

She had been standing by the whole time. She was quick to nod and walk to get her son. I smiled softly, I was grateful I would be able to provide better for my children and Cecilia now.

Lady Phantomhive brought down a boy who was probably around twelve or thirteen. Of course, he looked different than any other boy I had ever seen. He was beautiful as well. Something I never thought about a boy.

I wasn't attracted to men, so something had to be different.

I was told this boy was Ciel Phantomhive. I was to call him Young Master. He was beautiful, almost like a girl. His eyelashes were long and seemed to be a bit curly. It reminded me of how Cecilia would curl her eyelashes in the morning. of course, no boy would do that.

He had fair skin and his eyes were a beautiful rich midnight blue. I had never seen that color except for on clothes before. That, and on the ring that my Master was wearing.

The Young Master's clothes looked different as well. They looked...altered to be the way they were. Something was fishy about this family, and I intended to find out.

"I am Sebastian Michaelis. It is an honor to be caring for you, Young Master." I said. He didn't look happy when I called him that.

"You probably already know who I am." he told me. I nodded, with that he left the room.

My Master sighed. "That boy will be getting a punishment tonight to be reminded of his manners." he said. Lady Phantomhive looked a bit frightened, though I wasn't sure why.

"When do I start?" I asked.

"Monday is when you are active in duty. You'll need to get your clothing and sentimental items with you. Everything else is given." Lord Phantomhive told me. I gave a nod, and excused myself.

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I was reading a novel that I had taken from my Mother's collection. It was very good so far, I wanted to finish it. Of course, I was interrupted. Though, instead of it being my Father, dragging on about some lessons I was skipping, it was my Mother.

"Mother, is something the matter?" I asked. I was confused.

"No, Darling, nothing's the matter. Your new butler is here and your Father wanted you to meet him." Mother told me.

"Of course Father wants me to meet him. Does he know about..?" I asked. I was sure that she knew what I was talking about, since she answered.

"No, darling. He doesn't." she said. I nodded slightly.

If my parents didn't want him to know until he started working, then I would oblige. I walked down with my Mother. When I saw him, I was shocked. Edward's attractiveness held nothing to this man's.

He had slightly long black hair. His skin was fair, his eyes, a beautiful flaming red. A grin that made me want to melt. I bit my lip softly, though when my Mother flashed a glance in my direction, I was quick to stop.

"I am Sebastian Michaelis. It is an honor to be caring for you, Young Master." he said. I wasn't happy at all when he said that. Didn't I even _look_ like a girl to people?

Wouldn't they notice my looks too feminine, my voice to high pitched? No cock in between my legs? It made me angry, and suddenly, I didn't care about him being attractive anymore.

"You probably know who I am." I said. I made my voice higher than it was. He nodded. I didn't think that he noticed the change, though my Father certainly did. I then left the room.

I heard my Father from the stairs.

"That boy will be getting a punishment to be reminded of his manners." Of course, I knew that he wasn't angry about my manners. I didn't think he could care less. He cared that my voice sounded girly. He didn't want his 'son' to be girly.

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**Whatcha think, guys? I tried making Sebastian's longer again, but in the end I made two Ciel's! Ugh, I'm terrible! review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, this is interesting. I wanted to speed things along a bit, so I went into a bit more detail to make things longer so I could. It was..as I said, interesting to write. I've never really written anything like this before, so please review!**

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As I expected, I got a punishment from Father. He had gone to a boarding school, knowing the 'proper' way to punish a boy. Even of my age, I was still stripped down to bare bottom and given the whip. You think he would've even recognized the fact I didn't have a dick, though he didn't. It wasn't unusual.

Afterwards, Father sent me to bed without supper. I didn't mind, though it made me feel a bit empty when I thought about things. I kept a special notebook, hidden away from anyone, in my safe that was located in my nightstand drawer.

The notebook was filled with all sorts of personal thoughts. I suppose you could say it was a diary of some sorts, though I thought of it as a confession journal. All of my deepest thoughts and questions were in there.

My questions about my sexuality, my questions about Edward. Even the questions I had about why I was truly acting as a male. I never let anyone see it. Ever. If I did, I didn't know how badly I would be punished. My Mother would be terrified of my Father, my Father would beat me, probably Mother as well.

Though, I was smart to not let anyone see it, people were still finding out I was female. At least Edward knew. He had always known, since we were cousins, of course. Though, I didn't want him to know.

Edward was the type of person to abuse any sort of power he had. He was respectful enough to get away with it, as well. I felt bad for the woman that he would end up being betrothed to. Especially if they ever knew of what he had been doing to me.

Of course I had to hide my sexuality from even my new butler. As long as I could, anyway. What else would become of me?

* * *

I packed up my things to go to the Phantomhive manor. My family was coming along and so I packed their belongings as well. Not that there was much packing to be done. Lord Phantomhive even told us that they would provide things for the children, seeming as we couldn't do so for now.

Cecilia and I dressed the children in their best outfits. A pink frilly dress for Lucy, and a baby blue suit for Leonard. Everyone was ready to go to the Phantomhives, and Cecilia even said that after the children grew a bit older, she would become a maid for their kindness.

I thought that would be the best way to repay the Phantomhives. Of course, we would be at their service, always. Even though our children would grow as servants, they would still have better than they would before.

Besides, they were still blue bloods after all, they would be well. When Cecilia would get a bit older, as well as the children, she promised to take them to meet their grandfather. That way they can have the choice to stay with him or them.

As Cecilia and I arrived to the Phantomhives, we held hands. Each of us had a baby in our arms as we were lead to the room we would be boarding with. Lord Phantomhive explained to me that I would bring breakfast to my Young Master in the mornings, brush his teeth, do his hair, dress him, bathe thim, deliver his scheduale, and keep him in good health.

I was alright with all of the orders I was given, though Leonard was hungry before Lord Phantomhive left.

"I remember those days." he chuckled. I was quite shocked he would be so casual about this.

"Those days?" I asked.

"When my son was an infant. It's quite amusing to think upon those times once again. Don't worry, when they're my son's age, you'll get to sleep at night." He gave another chuckle. Now I was curious.

"How old is the Young Master again, sir?" I asked. I wanted to be sure.

"Fourteen. My son is fourteen. My condolences that you must wait that long until you get some proper rest at night. My wife and I took turns, she would feed him and I would change him." I didn't know then, but it was a lie. He was lying right through his teeth.

"Forgive my intrusion as a servant shouldn't ask such things, but have you and Lady Phantomhive ever thought of having a daughter one day?" I was genuinely curious. After all, I was very happy with a son and a daughter.

"Well, we would, though we can't. After young Ciel was born, we were told Rachel couldn't have anymore children, it was biologically impossible. She was so tiny back then and our genes just didn't match up that well." he told me. I nodded.

"I apologize for asking. It was an intrusion of me and I give my condolences on not being able to have anymore children." I told him. He nodded and left the room as I bowed, Cecilia taking Leonard to feed him.

"You should go do your duties as a butler. I'm sure that the Young Master will need to have a morning bath to settle things down." Cecilia said. Sebastian chuckled, gave his family kisses and left to Ciel's room.

* * *

I was sleeping in the morning. Of course, I half expected Tanaka to come awake me, or even my own Mother. Though, no one did. At least not at the scheduled time, anyway. I began to dress myself, getting my undershirt buttoned up and my shorts on before someone came to my room.

I didn't know who it was, so of course I spun around in a shocked manner. It was the man. Sebastian Michaelis, the new butler that would be caring for me. My Father had told me that I wouldn't have to dress myself anymore or do anything.

Though, I didn't want someone to do everything for me. Especially a male. Besides, whenever I looked at him I couldn't help but feel attracted to him.

You're crazy! I thought to myself. He's married!

I watched him quietly.

"What do you want?" I asked him. His eyes were such a beautiful dark red.

"It's time for your morning bath, Young Master." he told me. My eyes widened.

"No!" I shouted without thinking.

"I'm sure you're aware that I know everyone must have a morning bath. That includes you, Young Master." Sebastian said simply. He reached to undress me and I quickly shoved him away.

"Stop!" I shouted. Even though he wasn't giving up, he stopped with a sigh.

"I will get the bath prepared before I undress you, though you _will_ be taking your morning bath." he told me. And with that, he walked away. I was relieved that at least now I would have some sort of time. If I couldn't stop him, I could be prepared.

* * *

I wondered what the Young Master was so upset about. He did seem upset. Of course, maybe I wasn't playing with his emotions correctly. Maybe he was used to bathing himself. Of course, I was given explicit orders to bathe him and take care of him in every way.

I made the bath as I figured he would like. Any boy his age would. It was a warm temperature, and I was aware he was prone to diziness, so I opened the window a bit to let some of the hot air out.

When I walked back to the Young Master, I found him sitting on his bed. I wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe if I was lucky, he would tell me one day.

"Young Master, I have prepared your bath. I also scented it for you, and since you get dizzy, I opened the window." I told him. He nodded slightly, though seemed a bit out of it. I figured he was in shock of being taken care of.

He walked with me to the bathroom, though the door was located in his room. We left his bedroom to the bathroom and I began to unbutton the undershirt that he was wearing. I wondered why a boy his age would wear such a shirt.

Usually boys his age didn't wear undershirts since they hadn't completed puberty just yet. And since they hadn't completed puberty just yet, they didn't have to wear undershirts. The undershirts were designed to make them seem a bit more bulkier with muscles.

As I finished unbuttoning the Young Master's shirt, I noticed something. He wasn't chubby, though it seemed as though some fat contained in his breast area. His nipples slightly perked at the cold air, they must have been sensitive. Though, this wasn't like any male boy's chest I had ever seen.

My eyes widened and I was quick to unfasten his shorts and pull them down, along with his underwear. He wasn't a he. Ciel was a she. I wasn't caring for a Young Master, I was caring for a young mistress. Something that was incredibly shocking to me.

Why was she dressed as male? Why was she Ciel? Why were the Phantomhives hiding this secret?

* * *

**I wanna try to get past 2 reviews. Maybe...five? It may be a lot to ask, but I wont post anymore on this until I get at least five reviews on the whole story. It doesn't even need to be on this chapter! **


	5. Chapter 5

**I think I may change the rating on this..**

* * *

My breath hitched. I couldn't breath right now. It was impossible to move at this time. He was staring at me. At my developing breasts, at my most intimate area, my vagina. I couldn't move. How could I? A man was staring at all my private parts when he thought I was male.

What would he do? Would Sebastian take advantage of me like Edward had done? Would he tell my Father the truth. Maybe if he told my Father I was female, my Father would actually learn to accept it instead of making me hide it away.

When Sebastian didn't do anything, I was quite shocked. Then, as if nothing had happened, he escorted me to the bath and began to wash me. It was quite impressive at how much he could push thoughts to the back of his head. Maybe that was why he had been hired.

I sat while he washed me. Silence had filled the room. I decided it was time for someone to break that silence.

"You haven't done anything," I said simply. "usually someone would have."

"Done anything?" Sebastian asked. He shouldn't have had to play dumb with me.

"You know I'm female. What are you going to do to me? Will you tell everyone? Will you take advantage of me?" I asked repeatedly.

"Why would I tell everyone, or take advantage of you. I have a wife who takes care of me when needed." Sebastian chuckled. I didn't like that chuckle. It made me feel as if he was laughing at me.

"I know you didn't expect this. I know that you want to do something. You would take advantage of me because I'm just a helpless girl, and you can't possibly get in trouble for it. If I tried to tell someone, no one would believe it since I'm a boy." I explained to him.

"I wouldn't dream of doing such things to a young lady." Sebastian said.

"That's just it, I'm not a young lady! I'm a boy! The boy Father wants me to become! I shall be it!" I shouted as loud as I could to his face. Our faces were inches away from each other, not much space left between. I needed him to realize, I was a boy. I was, I was.

* * *

"My Lord, why are you pretending to be a male? Why are you pretending to be someone you will never be?" I asked. I needed to know this. The shock of the whole situation was overwhelming, but I had to deal with it. I had to deal with it somehow, leaving the young lady intact.

She explained the situation to me. I couldn't help but listen with immense curiosity. Though, I felt bad for her. Enduring her life as a male, never experiencing the experiences that come with being a female. So, I told her so.

"No, no, I have female experiences. I got a period when I was twelve, and I've been..deflowered just like any girl. I've had my fair share of crying to myself at night." she told me.

My eyes widened. How could anyone do such things to a helpless little girl. That was what she was to me now. A helpless little girl, and not a young boy that was hardened.

"Should I speak with your Father?" I asked.

"No!" she shouted. It was almost as loud as when she shotued after not wanting a bath.

"And just why not?" I frowned deeply. I wanted to have a talk with that man.

"Because...he doesn't accept me as a female. He pretends I'm male because he's blocking out that I'm a female. I won't shatter his dreams of having a son just because I'm a female." she explained.

I sighed in frustration.

"But you'll want to grow up, get married, and have children someday." I said.

"No...I'm getting married to Elizabeth Middleford." she said, almost inaduibly.

"You should marry a male." I told her quickly.

"I can't."

"You could if you wanted to."

"No!" she screamed again. The rest of the bath, we were silent. I bathed her and dressed her afterwards. It was awkward for me to do so, considering I was her butler and a male, but it had to be done. She couldn't get a maid, since she was 'male'.

After I had dressed her, she turned to me.

"You won't tell anyone?" she asked.

"I won't tell a single soul," I responded to her. When I did so, she lightly pressed her lips to mine. I had no idea what to do. I had a lover, two children even, yet I didn't want to rid Ciel of her only contact with the male that she had controlled. I kissed her back.

Her lips were warm and soft. When she lightly opened her mouth, I opened mine as well. Our tongues danced together before she parted for air. I smiled at her and stroked her cheek a bit.

"Ciel, you know I cannot continue to do this with you. This is a one-time thing, here." I informed her.

"I understand." she told me before I left her alone.

* * *

Once Sebastian left me alone, I went to a few books I had left on my bed. Instead of picking up the romantic novels, I just picked up my study books. I sighed when I started to read everything. I didn't like doing the schoolwork I did, but if I ever wanted my Father to keep recognizing me as his son, then I would do it.

I didn't just act as the boy he wanted to be because he wanted me to. I did it because I wanted my Father to be proud of me for something. If I had stayed a girl, he would've hated me. He had never praised me for anything except being a boy.

There was a knock on the door. "Young Master, there is a visitor for you," it was Sebastian's voice. I stood and walked to my bedroom door. It took me a moment before I could open it, scared to see his face after we kissed the way we did.

I didn't see his face. Well, I did, but it was behind another. Edward, my cousin.

"Edward, you didn't say that you were coming," I told him.

"Ciel, you shouldn't be so worried about schoolwork, so I've come to show you a good time. Your parents knew I was coming. We're going to hunt for ducks this afternoon and maybe get some for dinner tonight. I'll be staying the night as well so that I can watch after you," Edward said.

"Mother and Father are going on another trip?" I asked. I hadn't been told any such thing.

"They are. As such, they have appointed for me to watch after you. They don't trust you by yourself, but I'm sure you know this," Edward smirked. I nodded.

"Yes, Edward, I know my parents do not trust me. Thank you for bringing him to me, Sebastian. Could you prepare our hunting gear? It seems that I won't be getting out of this," I said with distaste.

Would he do what he always did with me? Would he take me into his room and press his mouth to my body? Reveal my breasts and tease me the way he always did?

* * *

I didn't understand why, but I didn't trust this Edward Middleford. He seemed too casual with the Young Master. I couldn't be feeling jealousy..could I? I had a lover, two children, why would I be jealous of what this boy did with his cousin. His cousin who was _male_-to the world, anyway.

I went off to do my duties as a butler. I prepared the hunting gear for both of the teenagers and then did my rounds to check on the other servants. I was told this would be apart of my duties as well-though I didn't know why. The other servants should have their responsibilities laid out, just as I had mine.

"You must be Sebastian, I'm Bardroy-but people call me Bard," the chef said to me as I walked into the kitchen. He was a blonde man with blue eyes and a cigarette popped out of his mouth. For some reason, I didn't think I'd ever see him without a cigarette.

"Yes, I am Sebastian. I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about the Young Master and his cousin, Edward Middleford," I requested. It wouldn't hurt to know a bit more about how the two of them were together.

"Oh, I don't really see them together much. I mean, whenever Edward Middleford is here, I never see much of the Young Master. They usually do things together, like hunting, lessons, and Edward usually stays in his room with the Young Master, or they stay in the Young Master's room," Bard said. I nodded.

"Thank you, kindly," I told him before moving on to see the other servants. I found the maid on my way to the garden. She was a cute girl with red hair, though she probably wasn't more than eighteen. Her eyes were especially something I was interested in. They weren't human, not demon either, but still. They looked as if they could belong to some kind of an animal. They were golden and she had red hair that was in a ponytail.

"Sebastian Michealis? I'm Meirin," the girl-Meirin-said. She smiled to me. That was when I began to notice something strange. When she smiled at me, it was nothing more than a friendly gesture. When Cecilia smiled at me, I felt love, admiration, support. When Ciel smiled at me, it was different. I felt warm and soft. Something a demon shouldn't feel.

Was I in love with Ciel?

I couldn't think of that for any longer. I began to hear noises from upstairs with my special hearing.

_"E-Edward, please, stop," _I heard. It sounded as if Ciel was begging. I was quick to run upstairs and catch them in the act.

Edward was on top of Ciel. Ciel's shirt was off, and her breasts were revealed. Edward seemed to have just been kissing her forcefully.

"Get off of her!" I shouted at him, my eyes flashing.


End file.
